To Whom Much Is Given Much Is Tested (Farewell NYC)

If you're reading this, I just turned twenty-eight a few weeks ago. So basically, I'm almost thirty which means I'm practically almost a real adult which is so mind blowing to me. (Shoutout to my LEOS!!!) Since 2020 I have lost all perception of time because in all honesty, WHERE DID IT GO? TWENTY-EIGHT??? Things are getting a tad bit too serious around here. I refuse to fathom that I'm now the "new adult" when I feel eighteen in spirit lol.

Nonetheless, one of the birthday gifts I wanted to give myself this year was the opportunity to write and publish a blog post. Something worth reading, yet extraordinary. Something that would make you guys come back for more. I used to put this unnecessary pressure on myself (in particularly with posting blogs) when it came to making sure I maintained consistency with topics and experiences to present and write on this platform.

However, as I sit and write this, I've made peace with the fact that I do this because I want to, not because I have to. My best work is done when I'm compelled and pulled by an energy force. This blog is divine inspiration not divine desperation. Therefore, I release any form of urgency or pressure because I don't create from a place of lack. I don't write to feel whole. I write because I am whole. So, moving forward, it's only the best or nothing at all. Efff a timeline or timeframe.

ANYWAYYSSSS with all of that being said let's get right into itttttt!

"This blog is divine inspiration not divine desperation."

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SOOO BOOM! From the title of this post in particular, let's address the obvious.........I packed up my stuff and got THE HELL UP out of New York City after a very transformative three years.

When I first moved there, I was two months away from my 25th birthday. No kids, no man in my face hindering me, just a girl in her twenty something's wanting to try shit. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOURTWENTIES ARE FOR. TRIAL AND ERROR.

So, I left the sunshine state and transitioned to Brooklyn NY. The thing is, six months into moving to Brooklyn was probably the hardest, toughest, and the darkest moments I've had in my life. And trust me when I say I've been through some stuffffff. (Refer to my previous posts) New York broke me down and spat me out like some bad milk. It felt like I had to endure some form of a hazing process to test my capabilities and willingness to persevere through the adversity. Every. Single. Thing. came with a challenge. Everything you had the pleasure of obtaining, receiving, accomplishing, etc. was earned never given. As someone who grew up in the south where things are much slower and easier, I was not used to things being so hard. Don't get me wrong, despite the lows, I experienced a great number of highs. A lot of memories I would have never had the pleasure of experiencing had I not moved there. The summers were my absolute favorite. The nightlife. The spontaneity. The food. The views. The crazy people (lol) Alongside the dressing up without the guilt of feeling like I was "doing too much".

However, the 360 adjustments from FL to NY was night and day and as opposed to leaving, I chose to adapt and see it through. Secretly I think I wanted to prove something to myself. I wanted to prove to myself how resilient I am. How badass I am. How capable I am. Because like they always say...."If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere". (apparently)

" I wanted to prove to myself how resilient I am. How badass I am. How capable I am."

Despite the devotion to see it through, I didn't have the biggest support systems as far as immediate family or major/consistent friend groups. So, a lot of the hard things I unfortunately had to endure and see through alone. However, just because I was able to carry it in the moment over the course of 3 years, doesn't mean it wasn't heavy. I think because I'm often seen as the "strong" person, friend, daughter, cousin, etc. I often found it hard to express moments of weakness, vulnerability, hardship, etc. because most of the time when and if I did, nobody really cared to help.

I believe the whole "I got this" mentality brought me to my diagnosis with epilepsy my first year after living there. Women, in particularly black women, are so conditioned to be strong, keep it together, suffer in silence, but always keep a game face on. And I was doing just that. In spite of being and doing the absolute best I can, there was always this back and forth in the back of my mind of should I move back to Florida, or should I stay in Brooklyn? In particularly because my health was spiraling like I never seen it before from the access stress and anxiety of the overall lifestyle that came with living in New York. I remember often praying about it for an answer...

The icing on the cake that gave me my answer was when I was admitted to the hospital on May 30th after having a stroke. I was home by myself after just waking up from a nap. Ironically, I had a missed call from my best friend so as opposed to going back to sleep I ended up calling her back. In the midst of the phone call my speech starting slurring, face started drooping, and saliva started falling uncontrollably out of my mouth. I was confused and scared at the possibility of what was really happening. Despite not experiencing a stroke ever before, I'm extremely aware of what the signs are and what to look for. But never in a million years would I have thought a stroke would be something I would have come face-to-face with at the gentle age of 27 years old. I am so internally grateful, blessed, honored, privileged, and thankful to even have the ability to write this knowing what the long-term effects of a stroke could have been. Even more so because I was sleeping a few minutes prior. I don't even want to think about if I were to stay asleep had I not called my friend back.

I say all this to say, don't ever think it can't be you. Life is so funny how you'll be perfectly fine today and fighting for your health tomorrow. Take NOTHING for granted and keep God first always because there are breakthroughs in breaking through. There is not a soul on this earth that can convince me that God isn't real the way he had his hand covered on me. He made me exceptional for a reason, and it's because of his calling on my life that I may go through very tough trials and tribulations, because it's in those moments of hardship that God is able to strengthen my faith in him and increase my trust for the fulfillment of his promises in my life. No great figure that has ever left an impactful mark in this world had an easy path to realization, and THAT is by design. Just like a diamond, I am a better creation because of the pressure that has perfected me. So stillllllllll I RISE!

The most common signs and symptoms of a stroke can be remembered using the acronym FAST:

1. Face drooping: One side of the face may droop or feel numb. When the person smiles, it may look uneven.

2. Arm weakness: One arm may feel weak or numb. Ask the person to raise both arms—if one arm drifts downward, it could be a sign of a stroke.

3. Speech difficulty: Speech may be slurred, or the person may have difficulty speaking or understanding others. They might struggle to repeat a simple sentence.

4. Time to call 911: If you observe any of these signs, even if they go away, call emergency services immediately.

Other possible signs of a stroke include:

• Sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body (face, arm, or leg)

• Sudden confusion or trouble understanding speech

• Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes

• Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance, or coordination

• Sudden severe headache with no known cause

The faster a stroke victim receives medical treatment, the better the chances of minimizing brain damage and other complications.

Thank you soo much for reading.

With love,

Niyah Ashe'