Alright, ladies, gather around—this one’s for us. Welcome to The Playbook, where I break down small steps in navigating the art of attracting and keeping a guy's attention without losing your sanity—or your dignity. This isn’t your average “how to get a man” manual written in the spirit of desperation or pick-me energy. This is the confidence play, where you’re the star player, the coach, and the MVP all rolled into one.
Here’s the thing: the game has rules, but we don’t chase—we attract. Think of this as the ultimate cheat sheet to living your best life while effortlessly keeping him intrigued, because nothing’s more magnetic than a woman who knows exactly who she is. And spoiler alert: “doing too much” isn’t even in our vocabulary here.
We’ll tackle everything from power moves to playful banter, and the unspoken art of being both the prize and the referee. So, grab your coffee, your mimosa, or whatever fuels your inner goddess, and let’s get into it. This isn’t just a playbook—it’s a power move. So Let’s go!
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It's no secret that the dating world is trash. People act like commitment is a four-letter word, and somehow, everyone’s allergic to defining the connection. And let’s not forget the infamous situationships—a.k.a. the relationship limbo where no one knows what’s going on, but we’re all too scared to ask. Despite these very real things, as someone who has grown up with a brother as her only sibling, I will say I've had the privilege of hearing it from the horse's mouth as to why dating has been relatively trash (from the perspective of men) ---------- And as much as it hurts to say........I think my ladies have to step their cookies up.
Of course, this blog doesn't apply to everyone however, as women I feel like we have these certain standards and expectations that we require from men, but are we putting out the same energy which we are hoping to attract and receive? Below I strategically mapped out a few playbook rules to keep in the back of your mind to remain interesting, intriguing, and irresistible in your goddess energy when dealing with men whether exclusively or nonexclusively.
Be his homeboy
Now, when I say this, I don't mean competing with his boys or trying too hard to be one of them—it’s about creating a connection where you’re the one who makes him feel seen, heard, and understood—someone who knows when to hype him up and when to challenge him. It’s being the person he can confide in without judgment and the one who knows how to keep it light when life gets heavy. It’s the balance of being playful yet supportive, chill yet passionate. Being a man's "homeboy" means creating a safe space that is free of judgement, but open for mature, uncomfortable, yet important/necessary conversations. Exploring the depths of his mind and emotions in a very low-pressure way.
Be interesting/intriguing
Theres' nothing more attractive than having things going on that you can openly discuss/share with someone. Being interesting and intriguing to a man isn’t about being a mystery wrapped in an enigma; it’s about bringing depth, spark, and authenticity to the said connection. When you’re genuinely captivating, you don’t just hold his attention—you expand his world.
Having interesting and intriguing things about yourself displays passion, commitment, and independence. Some of these things may include hobbies such as reading, drawing, painting, coloring, cooking, exercising, writing, dancing, pottery, boxing, volunteering, etc. Intrigue keeps the fire burning. It’s not about playing hard to get—it’s about showing that you are hard to get, because your life is full of things that inspire you, energize you, and keep you growing. Whatever it is, your individuality is what makes you magnetic. Intrigue sparks respect. When a man sees that you’re a whole vibe—independent, curious, and full of life—he doesn’t just want to be around you; he wants to invest in you. Being interesting shows that you bring more to the table than looks or surface-level charm; you bring substance.
Text/Call him first (it's okay)
The same way women want to be pursued, chased, and seen what makes you think men don't want to either? I feel like in today's society it's often perceived as "sassy" for a man wanting to feel somewhat valuable and not used. Deciding to reach out first sometimes shows confidence, emotional maturity, and a lack of ego-driven games. Waiting for him to always make the first move can create unnecessary tension or even miscommunication. What if he’s interested but hesitant? What if life gets busy, and he’s hoping you’ll meet him halfway? By taking the initiative sometimes, you show you’re secure enough to reach out without worrying about outdated "rules". Dating isn't about keeping score or sticking to who “should” text first; they’re about creating an environment where both people feel seen and valued. Send the text or call him girl. If he's really interested in you, he will be so glad you did.
Actually know how to have and keep a conversation
Living in the era of social media has been detrimental in the sense of individuals not knowing how to exude the art of being social outside of the confines of their phones. There's nothing more disappointing than being a beautiful woman with no substance when it comes to conversation. A good conversation builds trust, curiosity, and excitement. It creates a vibe that sticks. Men remember how you make them feel, and great conversations leave an impression that lingers. It’s the kind of dialogue that makes him feel seen, heard, and understood—a rare and powerful feeling. At the end of the day being a woman who knows how to have meaningful, enjoyable conversations isn’t just attractive; it’s unforgettable. It’s what turns a casual chat into a connection that keeps him coming back for more. Trust me ;)
Be a lady
Carrying yourself like a lady is a powerful blend of grace, confidence, and self-respect that commands attention and admiration. The attraction lies in the balance: being feminine without being fragile, approachable but not overly available, strong yet soft. It’s that effortless vibe of knowing when to laugh at a joke and when to shut down nonsense with a look. It’s being kind without being a pushover, classy without being distant, and confident without being arrogant. This mix of elegance and strength is magnetic because it signals that you’re someone who knows what she brings to the table. Being a lady says, “I am someone worth knowing, respecting, and cherishing.” Ladies don't have to boast about being a lady. It's seen and felt in her aura and presence. She commands any space she is in without opening her mouth. A man knows a lady (or woman) when he sees ones.
Provide healthy space between each other (Keep yourself busy) Healthy space between a woman and a man is essential for building respect, maintaining individuality, and fostering a deeper connection. It's all about finding balance—being close enough to nurture the connection but distant enough to allow each person to grow, recharge, and remain their authentic selves. Having space allows both people to keep pursuing their own passions, hobbies, and friendships. Unhealthy space signals major signs of codependency, and in my opinion can sometimes kill the spark faster than it should. So, girl let that man miss you a little bit to increase his sense of longing and desire. He didn't text back? THAT'S OKAY. He didn't call? THAT'S OKAY! Stay busy! You were surviving before him, so continue to move and act accordingly.
Flirt/Compliment him
Now this is an important piece that I think is a lost art. FLIRT WITH HIM! Flirting is a powerful way to build chemistry, boost his confidence, and deepen the connection. It’s about showing interest without being overly aggressive, adding a spark to the connection, and making him feel seen and appreciated. Flirting is like a playful dance. When you flirt, you’re engaging with him in a way that isn’t just serious or practical, but light-hearted and spontaneous, which keeps the connection feeling fresh and exciting. Think of flirting as the roles being reversed. You're now running game on him allowing the ball to be in your court. And with good flirting, the possibilities are endless. PLAYFUL BANTER remember! ;)
Don't be needy but make him feel needed
When a woman isn’t overly needy, it signals emotional maturity and self-confidence. She knows her worth and doesn’t rely on constant validation or attention from a man to feel secure. When you’re not needy, you create an air of mystery and challenge that is naturally attractive. However, being needy can come off as annoying and honestly, unattractive. There's no reason you should be asking a guy for anything that he wasn't helping you with before knowing you. ie: bills, gas money, food, purses/bags, etc. In no fashion am I saying NOT to ever ask for these things but instead respect him as a human and an individual to allow him to want to do these things on his own. Let him invest in you on his own freewill once the dynamic has clearly been established.
Despite what he says STILL keep your options open
It’s not about playing games or being insincere—it’s about ensuring that you’re in a position of power and choice, rather than feeling rushed into commitment. It’s easy to lose yourself when you become too focused on one connection, especially if you're not sure whether the connection is right for you. When you keep options open, you send the message that you're not desperate for attention or validation. Instead, you value yourself enough to know that you deserve the best. Men are often more attracted to women who aren't fully available or who don't put all their eggs in one basket. The challenge of getting to know you more deeply keeps the connection exciting and ensures that both partners remain engaged. WHY? Because they like to chase, it's in their enate nature. Date all of them sis and may the best man win!
Be a bitch.....but the BADDEST!
There's something so radiating about the presence of a woman who knows she's a baddie but a baddie who is assertive, confident, goal oriented, firm in her boundaries, strong, independent, etc. Men are attracted to women who have their own standards and aren’t afraid to enforce them. This doesn’t mean being cold or dismissive, but rather being clear about what you will and won’t accept. The term "bitch" often suggests a woman who isn’t overly available or eager to please, which adds an element of challenge.
In conclusion, it's all about embracing your confidence, independence, and sense of self-worth while navigating the dating world with grace and authenticity. So, don’t just play the game—own it.
xoxo,
Niyah Ashe'
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