"I'm discovering what I like now & too bad it's not you....but the funny thing is, it was never my job to show you what you already should've knew".
Hey ya'll! So first things first, I want to wish you guys a very Happy Valentine's Day whether you're single, taken, dating, or entangled. Regardless of how you may have spent your day, I truly hope you did at least one thing for you in recognition of the admiration that you have for yourself. And if you didn't, then I'm glad you decided to take the time to read this :) Sooo from the title of this blog, I'm sure YKWTFGO. I'm back with a quick read for whoever this may apply to. Free game to the fellas and a quick refresher for my ladies.
So let's get to the point.....it's nothing new that I'm an advocate for unapologetically dating in your twenties. (If you weren't aware please subscribe to the blog).
I'm all for experiences, memories, first-impressions, first dates, etc. But I noticed what's never really mentioned when dating is the commonalty between the encounters you start to have. In light of me celebrating another year single during this overly exaggerated holiday, I realized a major percentage of the reason why I have continued to remain single is because I made the choice to do so. I make the choice not to settle. I make the choice to decide the time I'm willing to give/offer. I make the choice of my non-negotiables. With that being said, why is it that nobody ever mentions the things that factor into the decision making of dating in general? Nobody mentions the things that they hate. Their deal breakers. The things that are adorable but nobody talks about.
So I figured why not share MY TOP 5 with you guys. My list of course is in no particular order but regardless of all of that..............when was free game ever this free? (hehe) ;)
So here is my list of my Top 5 turn offs and turn ons when it comes to the opposite sex.
Turn Ons
1. Consistency
Across the board I find more often than not that most guys lack consistency. It seems like it's just not really in their nature to be consistent after a period of time of dealing with a person. A guy that is able to be consistent with checking up/checking in, showing up, or simply just doing what you they said they will without it having to be asked, can definitely get a minute (or maybe a hour) of my time.
2. Knowing Your "Why"
When someone can tell you what wakes them up everyday or even what their purpose is while being planted here on earth, that is something that can actually BE attractive! Women want to hear what makes you, YOU. What drives you despite the BS going on in the world. And the thing is, even if a guy doesn't know it's still attractive if a person is making the conscious effort everyday to find out.
3. Paying Attention to Detail
A person that acknowledges the small things are typically good with paying attention to detail. A person who pays attention to detail is capable of reading between the lines. They listen, then ACT. They recognize the changes in tones/moods, ask about that thing that I may have expressed interest in the other day, or notices in general when something is off. Pay attention more and that way a woman will speak less.
4. Cologne
Babbbbbyyyyy!!! One thing for certain, and two things for sure there is nothing like a great smelling cologne. When you look good, you should smell good too. It exudes an unspoken confidence of good taste. The same way guys love to stress a woman's hygiene, their hygiene is also important. How you wanna be called a man but don't even smell like one?
5. Confidence
A man is naturally expected to lead. However, when you lead with confidence it changes the whole dynamic of whatever situation you're in. A person who is secure in who they are and who they're with is untouchable. Confidence can look like knowing how to properly articulate yourself, knowing how to enter a room without feeling threatened or intimidated. And overall just knowing whatever is real can't be threatened.
Turn Offs
1. Not Respecting My Space
It's essential to never lose yourself in a person. Still make time for you and the things that you truly and genuinely enjoy even after you get them. I find it very unattractive when a person doesn't respect your boundaries.(Whatever that may look like for you). Understand that as a human, there will be days that I want to close out from the world and reset emotionally and mentally. Being a person who has always been so readily available to others, it's essential that I give myself the same thing back. If my space consists of prioritizing time and focus into the things that are gonna make me great......respect that.
2. Liars
I hate when I hear BS about "Women can't handle the truth". When the REAL truth is, we can handle it. Men just fear our reaction once it doesn't work out to their benefit. Once you provide the truth, you are placing the ball in her court to decide moving forward. Lie to your mom, not me sir.
3. Lack of Substance
Someone who lacks substance tends to have very surface level conversation. You can't necessarily learn from this person because mentally they just aren't there. Usually incapable of keeping an adult conversation most times. Surrounding yourself around individuals who you can actually learn from in some way or another is so important. Time not being free doesn't only refer to monetary purposes.
4. Games
Guys seem to love to have their cake and eat it too. But in the process of doing that, it creates a slight grey area which then leads to the games. Games will typically consist of you not having a solid viewpoint or understanding of what is going on. Don't want me, pursue me, get me, then waste my time. Keep the same energy all the way through.
5. Not Holding My Door Open
Chivalry is absolutely dead on arrival. I'm not sure if it's where I live, or the people I've engaged with, but there hasn't been many incidents where I can actually remember a guy holding the door for me outside of special occasions. I almost feel embarrassed to even admit that but this is a safe place right? lol. Nonetheless it's something I've noticed and taken acknowledgment to. As a guy, hold the damn door open. Make a person feel like she's seen, noticed, respected, and appreciated.
After reading this, I hope you're able to identify your non-negotiables and stand by that. If you don't have any just yet, hopefully this kinda helps you at least think about it. 2021 we coming in hot and redefined. We are saying how we feel. Calling out BS. Not explaining why we matter. And seeing a red flag, as red flag. If something turns you off dismiss it. If something turns you on, embrace it. And that's on period. I love you guys! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY <3
Love,
Niyah
Comments