**Alexa, play Nigga We Made it by Drake ft. Soulja Boy **
Hiiiiii guyssssss!!!! ☺☺♥
So first things first. If you're reading this..... Happy holidays and welcome to the ending of what felt the craziest year ever. 2020 will forever, for many reasons, be the year that nobody will ever want to revisit. Quite frankly, I've never seen anything like it but I'm glad we're just days away from somewhat of a fresh start. But before we get into allllaaattt ("all that") as you read this take the time to be thankful for the present moment and space that you're currently in. Be thankful for life, health, a dollar to your name, a place to lay your head, family, friends, etc. This year was something that no one could have ever imagined, but to be able to say you survived it is a major flex in itself. So without further ado, welcome to the ending of the 4th quarter. Glad to see you made it.
Soooo I hate that it feels like foreverrrrrrrr since my last post. But in all honesty, my mind has been so blocked. Over the past few months I didn't feel that fire in me like I used to. I got more busy than I wanted to. (working 2 jobs, & school) More tired than I wanted to. And I was making time for everything and everybody else but myself. I unintentionally started to lose focus of prioritizing my hobbies and interests because they started to feel more like tasks as oppose to passion. I didn't know what I wanted to write because it was hard to find that inspiration. How do you find inspiration during a time when people are sick, dying, divided, defeated, broke, out of jobs, homeless, stuck, etc. This year was absolutely one of the most mentally and emotionally draining years that we've all experienced as a nation. We spent incalculable hours stuck at home associating meaningful time with regular use of television, social media, and eating. Also, while indulging in habits we intended on breaking, just to wind up feeling even more let down by a system that has proven themselves more than incapable and unjust. And that's not even the half of it....
Collectively, I think we all felt tired. Tired of the bad news and being let down. Tired of things feeling good one day, then bad the next. Tired of the uncertainty of the world. We were robbed of intimate time with loved ones. Forced to turn home into a work office and a school at the same time, while still maintaining our sanity. The things that we enjoyed were no longer enjoyable. We had to take work home with us and still figure out a logical system to make ends meet. Even as things start to become as normal as they can during a time like this, normal feels so strange. Normal isn't walking outside seeing everyone around you in a face covering for the sake of staying alive. Normal isn't a single working mother having to juggle working remotely and being a teacher under the same roof. Normal isn't children all over the world not being able to experience their graduation, prom, or homecoming.
"These were rough times. It stands out in living memory as a terrible year".
Despite the worldwide trauma we endured, we learned to be still with isolation. We had to sit our asses in the house for months and discover a lot about the person that we see in the mirror everyday. We learned to be a little more considerate not just for ourselves, but for the sake of others. We learned how to make our voices heard when they wanted us to be silent. We appreciated technology a little more at how convenient it turned out to be. And apparently, people learned the importance of washing their hands this year??? lol So was it a bad year? Yes. But were there also some good moments? Absolutely. As a whole, it's been a lot of self-reflection, tears, growth, awareness, fight, heartache, disappointment, and readjustments. But at the same time it's been 12 tiresome months of grinding, productivity, planning, creating, thinking, saving, and investing.
This year has really opened up my eyes to showing me my worth and value in all avenues of myself. If I wasn't aware before, I'm so much more now because of 2020. I'm aware of the possibilities and opportunities that I have ahead for myself because I worked for it. I'm aware of the importance of being present as a daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. I'm even more aware of what I bring to table when I walk into a room, or even when I'm not in the room. I fell short in many areas this year, but the one thing I learned which I won't do next year is, overextending myself to the convenience of others or things that don't feed my soul. In everything I do I always want to make sure I give my best self. However, this year seemed as though making myself overly obligated to situations, people, and things only left me feeling short in the end. Especially with the lack of reciprocation. I felt burnt out and often taken advantage of. I stretched myself thin for others with little time for emotional, mental, and physical rest.
Next year, I plan to take space when I need to, take a break when I need to, notice signs, patterns, and red flags the first time, trust my gut, continue to always makes choices and decisions from divine awareness, decrease meaningless encounters/conversations, see the essence of all as light, give freely without attachment, and learn not to take things so personal.
I thought 2020 would be the year I got everything I wanted. Now I know 2020 is the year I appreciate everything I have. Forever thankful for the tears that turned into strength and the disappointment that bent me, but never broke me. 2021 WHAT'S GOOOODDDD!!
XOXO
Niyah
Comentários